A wise man told me back in May that this is a year of firsts for our family. My first birthday, first Father’s Day, first 4th of July, on and on without my Dad. I explained to him that we made every day special not just holidays while I appreciated what he was sharing with me and not dismissing his help not in the least little bit. So I began looking at it just like that – Our Year of Firsts. This is my first October 1st without him. And even as I type that sentence, I don’t truly believe it and I tell you why I don’t. Though he isn’t physically here on this Earth and now reigns in Heaven, I feel him all around me. When the wind blows I feel his hugs. When it storms, I feel the earth move beneath my feet just as it did when he operated a piece of equipment sculpting a piece of ground. When a dragonfly floats around me, I see his love. When Miss M speaks, I hear him through her.
My heart aches for him. It is shattered into a million pieces and in which each day I try and put a piece back together by living each day as he would want me to and as I promised him that I would. I promised him I would be ok and that I would take care of baby girl (his pride and joy). I never lied to my Dad and I will not begin now.
I have my moments don’t get me wrong. Moments of laughter through tears. Moments of anger and disbelief. Moments of joy and sadness. Moments of wishing he could see all the wonderful things my daughter, nieces and nephew are doing and accomplishing and then I stop and remember that he is still all around us. It gives me peace in knowing just that.
I am so very thankful for the 46 years I was blessed with him in this world and knowing that I have the promise of forever with him gets me through each and every day of our first 365.